RSD and Mourning Losses

Reply
Recommend Delete Message 1 of 2 in Discussion

From: byrd45 (Original Message) Sent: 8/18/2005 7:14 AM
Reply
Recommend Delete Message 1 of 1 in Discussion

From: <NOBR>byrd45</NOBR> (Original Message) Sent: 8/2/2004 4:36 PM
Hi Everybody,
This week I wanted to talk about mourning your losses. What I mean is when you find out you have this horrible disease and realize what you have lost overnight. Personally, I was relieved to finally have an idea of what was going on with my body. Following this I was mad and depressed all at once and after the first year and a half started to mourn my losses. Everyone goes through this and it is a natural way toward reaching acceptance. The Anger, Frustration, Desperation, Depression and Sadness are all phases we all go through or are going through. We have been given a full plate of issues and problems to deal with overnight. I have realized lately, that mourning what I have lost was and is necessary in dealing with the fact that I have a chronic illness. I mourn the loss of things I used to do that in all reality I probably never will again. Some things I still can do and other things I hope to be able to do sometime in the future. I never totally give up hope yet I try to be realistic as well. Will I ever ride a roller coaster with my son again? This I mourned and have come to terms with now. Does it still make me sad ? Sure at times but it is not the most important thing. The important thing is that I don't dwell on it indefinitely. I am thankful everyday for the things I still can do. This is what helps me go on with my life and live it the best I can. I picked a small thing but of course their are other losses that still I am working on. The fact that I went to school for art and photography and cannot at this time use the talents I have is still being mourned. I still have not wrote off the possibility that in the future I could once again use my creative talent the way I wish to. At this point I have to be satisfied with the periods after treatments that my hands listen to what my brain wants them to do. I have been learning about animation and drawing using flash and some other programs which helps me to express myself and relieves my sadness.Anyway, I hope this doesn't make everyone really sad, but I feel we have to talk about everything even the touchy issues. If you would like to respond to this post or would like to add your experiences with mourning your losses than just add it to this post.
Robyn


language=javascript>var bMB=true;</SCRIPT> language=javascript id=OVScript src="http://cmhtml.msn.overture.com/d/search/p/msn/js/communities/?Partner=msn_grpdir&maxCount=3&market=us&ctxtId=102&type=102"></SCRIPT> language=javascript></SCRIPT> ></SCRIPT>



First Previous 2 of 2 Next Last Delete Replies

Reply
Recommend Delete Message 2 of 2 in Discussion

From: byrd45 Sent: 8/18/2005 7:50 AM
Reply
Recommend Delete Message 2 of 8 in Discussion

From: <NOBR>glendapullum</NOBR> Sent: 1/31/2005 9:36 AM
Guess the first yr was the hardest for me after being dxd . I used to swim ,play volley ball , we bowled on a league,goofing around with the kids ,and of course I worked a 60 to 80 hr week came home and took care of the house ,yard and 4 kids(teens) who were all in sports at the time I could also live on 4 hrs of sleep a nite . So I went from all this to practically doing nothing. dropping coffee pots due to having no strength in my rt arm/hand and having severe headaches,low immune system ,and rashes . I never took a nap didn't have time for them but now if I don't get my nap i'm a basket case plus i need at least 8 hrs of sleep a nite to be able to half way function in the am .
The grandkids and the birds also help keep me going .
Well guess thats enough babbling from me LOL
hugs
glenda



Reply
Recommend Delete Message 3 of 8 in Discussion

From: <NOBR>byrd45</NOBR> Sent: 1/31/2005 10:51 AM
Hi Glenda,
Your life before RSD sounds real familiar! I was so active and now well you know how that goes. If I can walk around the grocery store I am having a good day. Lots of changes but it is good you have a positive attitude and a great fulfilling job taking care of your birdies. I give you lots of credit for that.Rest is really important for all of us. I really think it helps the pain levels to stay down a little.
Love,
Robyn


Reply
Recommend Delete Message 4 of 8 in Discussion

From: <NOBR>therese521</NOBR> Sent: 2/1/2005 1:12 AM
Robyn,

I definitely understand what you're saying with this one! The biggest
thing with me, (and there were a lot), was giving up driving. After a
couple of years I just knew that my right foot did not have the response
that it needed for me to drive anymore. At that point I had had my
license for about 18 years and I hated having to give it up, but I knew
that between my foot and all the meds that I'm
on I had to give it up. It was extremely difficult and still is, but as
you guys say, we just have to go on and hope for the best. It certainly
isn't something I ever expect to have again (because not only is my
right foot getting worse, but now it's gone to my left foot too). Thanks
again for letting me "vent". I guess we have to remember that whatever
God takes away, He always gives us something else in it's place (even if
we don't always know it).

Love,
Therese




Reply
Recommend Delete Message 5 of 8 in Discussion

From: <NOBR>byrd45</NOBR> Sent: 2/1/2005 5:10 PM
Hi Therese,
That had to be real hard to give up driving. I think you did the right thing though. You don't want to get hurt or hurt somebody else by mistake. I feel so sad about driving. I don't drive as much as I did especially since my leg has gotten worse. I still drive short distances infrequently, But I hope it doesn't get to the point that I have to give it up.I really am struggling with that, but I will play it day to day and see what happens. If it gets to the point my reactions get slow then I won't have a choice either,but my stubborn side hopes that day never comes.It is great to hear from you and tell Joe hi!You both are stiff competition on the Trivia Challenge.All my best to both of you!
Love,
Robyn


Reply
Recommend Delete Message 6 of 8 in Discussion

From: <NOBR>JIMMYJON9</NOBR> Sent: 2/1/2005 7:33 PM
I my name is James i to am sad at the lose i have had i used to drive truck and miss it very much. imiss my friends that i met along the way when i was driving,going to places i have been and those i have not but that has come to an end. iwas told the other day that i would not return to what i grew to love so much. To have something stolen away from you like this like a theif in the night. i never thought that this could happen to me but it did.I tring to find out what else i am good at but not having much luck but im sure i will find something.again thank you so much for letting me join this group im sure i will find very helpful.


Reply
Recommend Delete Message 7 of 8 in Discussion

From: <NOBR>byrd45</NOBR> Sent: 2/1/2005 9:50 PM
Hi James,
I have felt and still do the same way that someone stole my life and livelihood. I went to school for art and photography and had a real talent. My hands tremor and shake and rarely listen to what I want them to do now.I also worked with kids and was going to be an art therapist and that is never going to happen now. It is hard real hard to have these major changes to our lives virtually overnight.I spent alot of time being real angry.These are losses that we didn't want to have but were forced upon us. That is what has been hardest for me.None of us ever got a choice RSD forced it's way in our lives and it is here to stay.I am learning though that their are still alot of things I can do and I know with time you will find things you enjoy and other things that make you feel happy and worthwhile. That is what most people want to enjoy life and have a purpose. I am glad you are thinking about these things though because in the end it will help you work things out for yourself. I am really glad you are here and hope things get a little easier for you day by day.I was injured in 2001 and have had alot of time to think and I really took alot of things for granted back then. I try not to do that now. Don't get me wrong I still get angry and frustrated each day is different for me and I guess that is all a part of dealing with this.We recently moved and now we have a big backyard and I sit and watch the sun go down and I try to be thankful for what ever I can. That is one thing RSD can never take unless we let it the simple things and our soul.
It is great to have you here,
Robyn


Reply
Recommend Delete Message 8 of 8 in Discussion

From: GalenaFaolan Sent: 2/2/2005 12:41 PM
On the 5th, it will be 2 years since I was hurt. The 21st will be 2 years since RSD started for me. In these past 2 years, I have been angry, frustrated and saddened by the losses in my life. As Robyn said, it's natural and right to go through a grieving process just like you would grieve when someone dies. A part of our life as we knew it has died. Nothing will ever be the same again for us.
I was stunned when I found out what RSD was, never having heard it before that day I saw the Ortho and he told me I had RSD. It was hard to wrap my mind around the concept of having something there was no cure, nor was there really any treatment for!!! Then, after accepting it, which took about a day. I said to myself, now what?
Just to help you understand why it took so little time for that part.....I've been through a lot of horrific things in my life. Things I wish no other person ever had to have happen to them, but I know that it does. I accept these challenges of mine gracefully and then try to find a way to deal with it each day. I am a strong woman inside and refuse to let anything get me down after having come so far in this life.
Anyway, needless to say WC drove me crazy and ticked me off so much. Times I was so down because it seemed as though noone cared. I mourned the loss of my job above all else. I had gotten back into the work force after being at home with my children for so many years. I strove to prove myself to my bosses at work and badgered them into giving me a chance to do what I wanted most to do, cook. So, went from waitress to cook. I proved to them I was good and could do as good a job as my hubby did, cause we both worked at the same restaurant. He days, me overnight. I had been there for just over 2 and a half years when I was injured. I was looking at a good career, doing something I loved. Suddenly to have it all taken away was more than I could deal with some days. Sitting at home again, but this time in pain and doing nothing.......hard to deal with. I'm a most active person and was rarely ever still. Always on the go, if doing nothing more than housework, top to bottom of said house. I still drive myself crazy, but that's ok cause it's not much different than working and being crazy!! LOL
I also felt so bad at the loss of the way I spent time with my daughter. She was 9 when I was injured and will be 11 this month. She has given me so much. She helps me when I'm down with pain, getting me a drink or a snack. She gives me quiet and space to get it under control and rest. I truly couldn't ask for a better kid than she is. It scared her when my leg would start jerking badly, but I made a game of it so she could accept it easier. I made fun of it so she and we could laugh about it instead of cringe and hurt more. We found ways around those bad days and do other things together that doesn't involve a lot of leg work or standing up. She loves having mom at home, but hates what keeps me here.
Loss invovles the whole family, not just us. James and I have made adjustments as well together. Couldn't ask for a better hubby than he is.
I've mourned my losses, but work on my hobbies I did before being hurt. It helps pass the time and who knows, I may be able to make some money doing it!! I'm going to get back to work on my RSD book here. I'm all settled in now and life is normal again. We all need to strive for a little something each day to make us feel good. Even if that something is nothing more than you took a bath for the day. For some of us, that's a huge accomplishment!! Pat yourself on the back!! Watch a sunrise or sunset and be thankful for being alive and a part of such beauty. See the trees, flowers around you and be thankful for being able to see it. We can smell the roses now instead of rushing hither and yon everyday while trampling the roses. Don't mourn the loss of those "friends" who aren't there and don't understand. Be thankful for those who do still care. I'd rather have no friends, than have to deal with those people who don't or refuse to understand this syndrome we have and deal with. They aren't worth my time or energy it takes to be upset and be bringing me down!!
Sorry this got so long..........guess I needed to say these things and get them out. If you feel no one loves you, remember I love you all and I care!!!!

Love and Hugs,
Karen J