FWD:Can You Relate??

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From: Rittlemom1 (Original Message) Sent: 1/30/2008 1:54 PM
> This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company
> Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets
> rolling after the first paragraph... PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for
> best web mail-award-winning letter....
>
>
> Dear Mr. Thatcher,
>
> I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I
> appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak
> Guard Core or Dry-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
> or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the
> beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
> revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to
> realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you
> how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my
> pants.
>
> Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the
> curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting
> right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging
> through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll
> be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with
> knife skills. Isn't the human body amazing?
>
> As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
> quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers
> monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating,
> puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying
> jags, and out-of-control behavior.
>
> You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last
> week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's
> testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought
> Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you
> of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal
> maniacs in Capri pants...
>
> Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the
> throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out
> my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive
> backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
>
> Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
> middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
> happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
> above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
> you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything
> 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and
> Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the
> local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your
> life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If
> you just have to Slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more
> sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer'
> or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
>
> Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately,
> there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my
> maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your
> Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull
> sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
>
> Best, Wendi Aarons Austin , TX
>